i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
