i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
