Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I had to cum in my sink.
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