How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
