you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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