If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
