last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
