dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
