just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Randomize
