So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
