Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
