I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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