I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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