shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
