if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
