What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
