my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
vagina is talking i cant
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
