Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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