Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
