I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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