There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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