The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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