And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
