There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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