smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
