I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
