He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
