I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize