i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
