Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You pole danced in your parka.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
