Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
