We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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