If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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