JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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