If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
