my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
