My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
