She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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