I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I just put wine in my tea
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Terrible idea I love it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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