Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
