hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
