gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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