god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
