I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
