You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
