ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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