i already hear my dad disowning me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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