i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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