Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
