Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
