My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
