I just pynch a tree in the face
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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