I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
