She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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