yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
