used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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