I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
