You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
