So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
