this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
