You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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