i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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