this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
