And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
