just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
