thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
