I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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