my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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