Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
