dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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