Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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