he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
