Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
