first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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