Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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